SPECIAL TO BREAKING IN ASIA BY NED SKRUNK SAENGKAEW
- I’m an Anal Adventurer who works mostly in Bangkok, Thailand, and occasionally dips into the clean, golden round eyes of Pattaya, Phuket and even farther afield in Vietnam.
- Many first-time anal adventurers make the same mistakes, like not bringing the right lube or currency.
- Some oversights have low stakes, but others, like getting too close to wildlife, are dangerous.
People often forget to research entry requirements for the Thai Anal Scene before showing up sraight off the boat from Diddlyshire County, England; Dawson City, Canada; Polski Trambesh, Bulgaria; and especially Buttfuck Tattooed Hicksville, Australia.
It’s obviously essential to do proper fact-finding before you indulge in sex acts with local Thais that are normally outlawed in your home country but which are highly recommended by the Thailand Tourism Board as a form of direct foreign investment in the country that should pay back all parties involved in spades and then some.
Some Anal Adventurer venues require online reservations just to get inside, and certain “entrances” are only accessible during peak tourist seasons. But each venue’s website will list the most up-to-date information on its home page, giving you the details you need for a smooth, lubed or unlubed visit.
Rather than paying individual Anal Adventurer venue entry fees, those with plans to visit multiple venues each year should consider buying an annual pass.
The Thailand Tourism Board sells an Anal Adventurer Recreational Pass. For just $1,250 a year, the pass grants access to over 4,800 of the country’s tightest yet flexible bungholes.
Since many of the venues, such as on Soi Sukhumvit 1, 3, 4, 22, 24, 26, 31 and 33, are in close proximity, consider going on a meth binge and covering them all in one night. If you repeat this each night for an entire year, you should be able to get through the entire stock and have some wonderful tales (and tails!) with which to regale your co-workers at Bungion Liquidators Ltd. back home.
Arriving in the middle of a summer Saturday is a major mistake, as many available anuses will be flooded with tourist jetsam.
Anal Adventurer venues usually get busy on weekends. I’ve waited in lines for over two hours to enter some of the most popular anuses on a Saturday or Sunday.
If you plan on arriving midday on a weekend, especially on a Saturday, use the bathroom ahead of time and pack extra snacks since you’ll probably have to wait a long time to get in there. And know that once you eventually enter, crowds can make it feel impossible to get around.
First-timers often only pack for one anus instead of the several they’ll want to try after having a taste.
Proper accessories are nonnegotiable when it comes to Anal Adventure visits, regardless of the season. It might be hot and sunny in one anus, but the temperature can drop 30 degrees Fahrenheit as you slowly wind your way down a dark tunnel. The winds can also pick up.
Make sure your johnnies are in order and break in your shoes ahead of time to avoid blisters.
People get excited to see wildlife and wander far too close to the animals.
We all want a beautiful picture of your new acquaintance’s anus, and visiting the providers is an amazing opportunity to see these wonders in their natural habitats.
Most of them mind their own business while eating, running up stupdendous tabs that you won’t be able to afford to pay because look at you, and caring for their young. But when humans get too close and try to interact with them, it puts both the Anal Adventurer and your new Best Friend For Life at risk of injury or worse.
This article was translated from the original Thai.
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