MONTREAL – Los Angeles International Airport announced Friday that it has been recognized as one of the top 50 airports in the Greater China Area, finishing in 47th place just ahead of East Guizhou People’s Runway, Longshan Pre-Dynastic International Airport and Xishuangbanna Dai Hegemony Central Air Strip.
The Montreal-based International Civil Aviation Organization made its picks for the top 50 airports in Greater China earlier this week, with Shanghai Pudong International finishing in the top spot, followed by Hong Kong International Airport and Singapore Changi.
The ICAO said LAX had managed to squeeze onto the list because of its “remarkably unique location between a ghettoized parking lot and overpriced beach commune” and its “accessibility to multiple potential active-shooter locations spread throughout a constantly shape-shifting and perhaps schozphrenic urban core.”
It added that LAX’s “long history of welcoming hundreds of thousands of international travelers to America with the same infrastructure that was used at Ellis Island in New York in the 1890s gives visitors an authentic representation of the immigrant experience” without necessarily providing them with, say, clean and functioning bathrooms, pleasant one-on-one interactions with polite ground staff and customs officials, or signage in the world’s most popular languages that don’t include English, like Chinese, Hindi or even French.
LAX officials said they were “delighted” with the recognition and were hopeful that someday they could be included on the list of top 100 U.S. airports, but that would depend on whether California would continue to be claimed as an American state by Washington or just given away wholesale to the highest foreign bidder in a bid to cut its losses and reclaim itself culturally as One Nation, Under God, Indivisible, except without Los Angeles, San Francisco and especially Silicon Valley throwing us all out of whack.
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