HONG KONG – An online editor working in the Hong Kong office of the New York Times was reported by fellow staffers to have finally passed his Preventing Sexual Harassment Course, throwing into disarray his planned Asia-wide digital penetration campaign, which was originally an initiative of the New York Times’ home bureau before being passed on to Hong Kong in the wake of the #MeToo movement.
The online editor, Herbert Munschbaum, had been sent by the Times to work in Asia after a 12-year stint working at the Times’ Park Slope bureau in Brooklyn, where he helped shape its explosive “This Is My Urban Polyamorous Tribe/Neighborhood” coverage. Tasked with delivering powerful APIs using multi-channel content ideas at scale and with cybercontrived flair – concepts Munschbaum had only been dimly aware of before accepting the online editing job – he reflexively panicked and instead devised a plan to fully digitally penetrate anything within shouting distance of his desk.
The scheme, which Munschbaum thought would help win him plaudits from the Times’ award-winning yet gullible management, slowly gained traction. His first gambit – convincing his colleagues that pan-Asia digital penetration would only be possible if it was first tried in the office before being rolled out to targeted areas of Thailand, Cambodia and Indonesia – was ultimately greeted only tepidly, although somewhat lubriciously, by the usually wary NYT Hong Kong staffers.
The same staffers, however, came around to Munschbaum’s way of thinking after a Google Analytics data session convinced them that Munschbaum’s digital penetration strategy was indeed having its intended effect of thrusting its middle finger right up the news holes of credulous readers. This, NYT management felt, was just the sort of provocation the newspaper thrived on, and would be a welcome addition to its “groundbreaking” digital manipulation strategy.
However, when Munschbaum was confronted with evidence that some of his digital ideations were running afoul of the NYT Code of Conduct – even though they were not specifically prohibited deviancies within the Hong Kong office – he was forced to take the NYT’s “Preventing Sexual Harassment Course (NY Edition).”
Surprising even himself, Munschbaum was able to pass the hour-long exam, correctly pointing to several “no-go” areas on the Times’ specially made “news touch doll.” With his newfound awareness, though, Munschbaum has also agreed to relinquish his duties to his colleague Liam Poythress, who has the epic ambition of digitally expanding the NYT readership’s adorably large slut circle.