BANGKOK – It could only have happened in Thailand.
When Canadian tourist Denny Stanton landed in this sweltering, pheremone-laced tropical Asian filthtopia he hardly could have thought that circumstance would hit him full force and land him the biggest prize of his life, not to mention a world record.
Stanton, a 46-year-old long-haul refrigerated jailbait driver from Calgary, Alberta, said he was only looking for a casual hookup at AfterSkool blowjob bar on Sukhumvit Soi 23, where he was half-heartedly malingering with his buddies Tommy Matheney and Jingo Braithwaite after each pounding “a dozen or so” of the holy Thai beer trinity of Chang, Singha and Leo, in more or less equal measure. But when he met Samorn Chevapravatdumrong, or “Ding,” as she is known to her friends, he knew his life would never be the same.
Stanton, who had come to Bangkok to escape another unrelenting Canadian winter and for a medical procedure to help reduce the cargo of flesh known as his fat-tits, immediately fell in love with Ding after she coyly revealed to Stanton her Dong, which in Thai she pronounced “Dung,” to Stanton’s delight.
“My word,” Stanton said in explaining the immediate explosive reaction. “Ding! Dong! Dung! and it’s all over. I tell you what, all I needed to see was that little nano-weenie and I was hooked.
“All my life I’ve felt I’ve been somewhat different in wanting what others see as an aberration. But to me, a wee schmeckle on a Thai lady is something I believe that was given by God and should rightfully be enjoyed in equal measure with all her lady parts. I truly believe it has given a tiny prick to our relationship.”
Stanton, whose fat-tits are well known in Canada after he was featured on the Guinness World Records show for setting global marks in binge television watching, binge eating and biggest boobs on a man still alive, said he told Ding that he believed that she, too, could probably set a global record for tiniest penis on a woman if she just went in and had it measured at the Bangkok office of the Guinness World Records franchise.
“And wouldn’t you know it, they didn’t have a measuring device small enough and just declared her the new world record holder,” Stanton said. “I was so proud that I immediately fell to my knee and asked for her hand and microscopic protrusion jutting out of her snatch in marriage.
“How lucky am I that she immediately responded, ‘Oh yes, my Denny. You with your huge man tits and me with my small lady wienie, we are meant for boom-boom now, no money!”
Stanton said that with two world records and a wedding in the books, the couple could now look forward to settling down in the greater Bangkok area, where they plan on opening their own blowjob bar catering specifically to both men and women with centipenies. Each customer at DinkyDogs will receive a free midget fireman’s helmet upon entry and BJs will be charged by the inch, if even that.