WASHINGTON – U.S. President Donald Trump on Monday touted the “clear superiority” of the United States in the global coronavirus battle, attributing the U.S.’s leapfrogging of China, Iran, Italy and Spain to No. 1 in the world rankings of Covid-19 cases to his country’s “indomesticable will, our strength of spirit, our tremendous and I must say without hesitation although some would dispute this, but I wouldn’t even though some maybe shouldn’t say anything – which would be a very good thing – but as everyone knows, and I’ve told many, many people: we’re number one for a reason!”
Trump said at a press conference at the White House that he foresaw the possibility for global pandemic supremacy many years ago, when he was a guest on the Howard Stern Show. “So I’m talking with Howard, you know, and I say to him, ‘Gee Howie, listen’ – I called him Howie back then because that’s how I knew him; now, whether he liked me calling him Howie you’ll maybe have to ask him because I just don’t know – I say to Howie, ‘Howie, we have a tremendous opportunity here in our big, beautiful country to do something that’s never been done before,” the president recounted.
“And you know what that thing is, Howie?” I asked him. “And he says ‘No, Donald,’ so I go, I say to him that it’s going to be something very very big. Something that nobody’s ever seen before. Something so unbelievably huge we won’t even know what it is, and then Boom! We’ll be sitting on top of the world in it, and I’ll be right there on top of it like Hillary riding Bill to an Arkansas Wal-Mart, but I’ll bring this thing home and we’ll be No. 1 in the world and possibly even No. 2, 3 and 4.”
“Now, I didn’t know at the time that I was talking about the coronavirus, but I did at least have an inkling about it even those many, many years ago,” Trump said. “And now, here we are, the undisputed leader of this thing. And where is widdle ol’ China?” the 73-year-old president asked, channeling the voice of his aggrieved but strangely turned-on 3-year-old self he usually only reserves during Spanky Time with Melania. “Widdle ol’ China is falling far behind as usual.”
“I mean, what are they at now – 70,000, 80,000 tops? And where are we? Headed toward a million? Not even close … Not even close, folks.”
Trump added that if it used the full measures of all its combined resources, the U.S. could easily get to 100 million cases by the end of the year, which he said would be a “nice Christmas present for everyone, except Jews of course, because they don’t even celebrate our national holiday and all they want is 100 million cases of Bernie Sanders, anyway.”
Comments are closed.