DES MOINES, IOWA – Chasten Buttigieg’s body shook with heaving, helpless sobs as he watched the video.
Here at his husband’s downtown campaign headquarters in the abandoned office of a venture capital firm that had bet its very existence on grain futures before going bust as the trade war with China made losers of many in Iowa’s agriculture industry and crapshot financial ventures, Chasten could only choke back tears of disgust, shame and, ultimately, despair, as his husband, Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg, fastened the velcro straps of his dwarf lover’s diaper and asked him, “Does baby want Da-da? Does baby want Da-da?”
The video was especially shocking because it conjured images of Oompa-Loompas in Chasten’s mind – images Chasten had struggled with while growing up in Traverse City, Michigan, one of three children of Terry and Sherri Glezman. To hear Chasten tell it, the person who sent him the video intended to strike him twice, hard – once in his heart and once in his nuts.
“The person or people who did this obviously knew my trigger points, but I know in my heart that my husband loves me and me alone,” Chasten sniffled. “Although we had discussed his dwarf fetish before our marriage, he had promised me he would no longer be going there. He knows my anxiety issues about dwarves stemming from my repeated and traumatic viewings of Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory when I was a child – specifically, the scene where Augustus Gloop gets sucked up a pipe to the Fudge Room – and so I thought we were past that.”
The sex dwarf, identified as Markov Schmearmeister, a Belarusian actor who emigrated to the United States in 2007, has appeared in such gay dwarf love/bondage films as “On Top Of The World, On The Bottom Of Me,” “Don’t Just Stand There, Pee On My Head,” and “Republican Romper Room.”
To be sure, it was his star turn in this last film that has raised the greater concern for the Buttigieg campaign – perhaps even more so than the presidential contender being caught in flagrante delicto with his Belarus Bambino.
“Moving entirely away from the fact that Pete obviously still hasn’t gotten over this singular obsession, the issue that remains is this: Will Democratic-leaning voters accept that his secret Belarusian gay dwarf porn star love puppet appeared in a film that not only had an overarching Republican theme, it indeed had the imprimatur of the Republican Party,” Chasten, who also serves as his husband’s campaign manager, said of the 2017 GOP-produced “Republican Romper Room.”
The film won several of the porn industry’s Adult Video News awards for what the AVN said was its verisimilitude to Oval Office policymaking and its “amazing portrayal of indiscriminate deep-dwarf anal as a counterpoint to the measured, solemn policy vetting formerly known in the White House.”
“The fear is that Democratic voters could end up falling in love with Schmearmeister’s sympathetic portrayal of a hapless PR rent boy in the film who is used by the entire Republican establishment and start thinking, ‘Huh, I think this party might be for me,'” said a Democratic strategist familiar with Republicans’ voter-influence strategy. “It is exactly the kind of counterintuitive play that carried a Republican to the presidency in the last election,” he continued. “Although the narrative has switched from mental midgets to physical ones, it is basically the same message: If this superfreak doesn’t get you off, who will?”