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American Couple Who Wai’d Their Way Through Thailand Now Wai Fucking Everywhere

Charlotte Landraimon and D’Nathan Quinn-Hanretty bowed slightly, brought their palms together as in prayer and gently repeated “ขอบคุณค่ะ” [khob khun kha] and “ขอบคุณครับ” [khob khun krab] in the ritual Thai manner of giving thanks before departing the beachside convenience store with their purchases: Koh Kae peanuts, Miang Kam-flavored Lay’s potato chips, pork-floss egg rolls and dehydrated durian.

That they were in Seattle and making their purchases at Frank’s Deli and Lube Stop, at the western entrance of Golden Gardens Park, made no difference to them: Landraimon and Quinn-Hanretty were determined to share their now deeply ingrained affinity for Thai culture everywhere and with everybody, regardless of nationality, religion, political views or economic class.

“They’ve been coming in here for a couple days now,” said Kenton Mumphry, the manager of Frank’s Deli, as Charlotte and Gerald departed, wai-ing to Mumphry as they shuffled backward out of the store. “They wai to me as a greeting when they come in, they wai to the other customers out of deference when they’re looking for their ‘authentic’ Thai food in the store aisles, and they even wai to the slushy machine as a sort of apology before trying to add mango juice to the Coke slushy container so as to add the flavor of the Thai islands to it.”

“I get it!” Mumphry exclaimed. “They’ve been to Thailand! They know how to wai! But can’t they just say ‘namaste’ like everyone else who comes in here?”

Mumphry questioned the purity of Landraimon’s and Quinn-Hanretty’s intentions in wai-ing, saying he believed the pair were actually disparaging the Buddha in their Americanized ritualization of the practice. “They cannot possibly realize the nature of mind by constantly bombarding people with their newfound Asian politesse,” Mumphry offered. “It would also be nice if they could follow the authentic Thai practice of ‘regular bathing,'” he added.

Landraimon said her and Quinn-Hanratty’s embrace of their impermanence and suffering here on earth had led them both to the conclusion that they should be more accepting of others’ ornamental deficiencies and that they would show their empathy by wai-ing at every turn, regardless of whether the setting was a moon-baked beach party on Koh Pha-ngan or right here at Frank’s Deli.

“I so, so get it that some people are uncomfortable with our wai-ing and ready absorption of other complex ideologies that we picked up during our three-day vacation in Thailand, but they have to understand that our adherence to these principles is now deep and abiding,” she said.

“For our next vacation, D’Nathan and I will be traveling to Toronto for five days, after which we will return to the U.S. once again and hope to combine our love for saying the Canadian ‘Eh?’ at the end of each sentence with our love of wai-ing during every social interaction so as to achieve maximum annoyance of all our family and friends.”

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