PYONGYANG – The sister of North Korean forever dictator Kim Jung-un was crowned Smokin’ Hot Korean Dragonlady of the Year on Sunday after she torched U.S. President Joe Biden’s nutsack in an epic diplomatic flambé while simultaneously debuting on the new Pornhub web channel as possibly Asia’s bustiest and most brazenly belligerent Respected Comrade Supreme Leader No. 2.
Second Lady Kim Yo-jong won the title on the strength of her comments on Saturday about Biden, who earlier in the week signed an agreement with South Korea threatening to obliterate North Korea should it start acting cute again by, for example, insisting on its right to political self-determination or potential self-extinction.
Kim responded by calling out Biden for, among others things, wearing adult disposable diapers, while also threatening to “mercilessly wipe his bottom until his old-man hemorrhoids are turned into a Sea of Fire!”
The judges in the competition praised Kim for her “fabulously grandiose rhetorical flourishes” and also for her insouciant refusal to do anything but arrange her cleavage in the most un-Korean-like fashion for the new Pornhub web channel, which features an intoxicating and almost endless array of wank-worthy Peninsular beauties well-gifted in the art of boobnosis – some of whom use their hypnotic talents to hold sway over world geopolitics.
“We also found Ms. Kim’s Mightyness Over Her Glorious Country to be a compelling factor in awarding her the title over competitors including the hot skinny girl from Squid Game, the somewhat hot and squidlike Korean-American actress Awkwafina, and beloved BTS boy band member Suga, whose incomprehensible super-hotness transcends anything in the squid world and could only have been completely fabricated by an extraplanetary being or his fanboys at The New York Times.
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