RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA – The retired U.S. military generals recently busted for being whores for Saudi money have said they were only doing it so they could feed their families better with occasional trips to Denny’s and Sizzler from the seven-figure salaries they were getting, and that their work in helping Saudi Arabia destabilize large chunks of the Middle East was a clarion call for all Americans to awaken their spirits to Wahhabi thought and get on board with cheaper gas prices.
The generals have worked under the Defense Ministry and Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS), the de facto ruler of the Kingdom who is thought to be in favor of beheading anyone who does not agree with his general view that the sahih hadith demands complete obeisance to every last one of his whims as well as his sexual peccadillos, which may in some cases involve strangulation until climax but not usually beheading per se.
One of the Americans who worked for Mohammed bin Salman, retired Marine General James L. Jones, said you really couldn’t entirely blame his job – which was to trigger a humanitarian crisis in Yemen and thus kill thousands of innocent civilians so that MBS could make the country his plaything – for refashioning the Middle East geopolitical map, given that his Judeo-Christian-Salafi ethic mitigated his own personal feelings toward the Saudis’ genocidal worldview.
” إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ,” Jones said. ” صِرَٰطَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ غَيْرِ ٱلْمَغْضُوبِ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا ٱلضَّآلِّينَ!”
Another American sellout, retired Army General Keith Alexander, said he believed the startup Saudi professional golf league, LIV Golf, whose stable of golfers some experts believe may be even bigger whores to the Saudis, gave him sufficient cover to pursue his dream of working for a murderous Middle Eastern potentatate with an unlimited military budget.
“If Phil Mickeson, Dustin Johnson, Brooks Koepka and Sergio Garcia can take hundreds of millions of dollars in blood money shoveled into their bank accounts without feeling so much as a pinprick of conscience, I don’t see why I can’t score my own weekly hole-in-one with a regular paycheck from one of America’s foremost allies in combatting the worldwide spread of alternative energy sources,” Alexander said.
“What better way to advance our own country’s foreign policy interests than bending right over for the Saudi petrol pump and standing up to antagonistic Mideast tribal regimes like Yemen who mean us no harm now but could become a problem later when we find it on a map,” Alexander concluded.
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