BANGKOK – Happy-ending massages are something many tourists in smolderingly sensual Bangkok often think about when planning their daily holiday schedules. In fact, it is the No. 1 reason Bangkok has continued to attract tourists, expats and digital nomads year after year.
But what’s the real cost of a happy-ending massage in Bangkok?
Before we go to a place, we usually do some research to get a general feel for how much it would cost to engage in certain activities and in the end enjoy our time there without having to worry so much about money or contracting indigenous and intractable forms of STDs.
We spent close to a month in Bangiok as happy-ending punters, and we had an idea of how much handies would cost there. It turns out, we actually spent less…
In this blog post, we will give you a detailed guide about our cost happy endings in Bangkok.
WHY SHOULD TOURISTS GET A HAPPY ENDING IN BANGKOK?
When we were ordinary tourists in Phuket, we heard a lot of good things about Bangkok. It’s just a one-and-a-half-hour flight from Phuket, which makes it a great weekend destination for happy endings, underneath-the-bar blowjobs, casual hookups with street hookers and some old-school arse-gerbiling if that’s what really gets you and your wife off. But we had to find out for ourselves.
Spoiler Alert: We loved it but some things could be improved!
Finding The Right Massage Joint: One of the best things about Bangkok is the sheer number of massage parlors. They are literally EVERYWHERE. You’ll see them just across the street from your hotel, right next to your favorite Pad Thai stall, in the back room of your favorite laundromat and especially on Sukhumvit Soi 33, 22, 24 and 4. There is great variation right across the board in Bangkok, so be sure to step right into any massage joint you like and check it out first to make sure it has everything that will make your happy-ending massage memorable.
Service Providers: These can also vary. Many first-time happy-ending customers prioritize comfort and familiarity in choosing their first service provider and why not? Why take a chance with a beautiful-looking, buxomy skank who looks like Chrissy Tiegen but may turn out to be a ladyboy named Larry if your life journey is demanding something closer to your heart? That’s why we recommend that nervous first-time customers try the Granny Succor Package. This happy-ending special is available at most every massage outlet, and provides you with a reassuring, low-pressure, break-in-the balls, over-50 experience with a 100 percent guaranteed woman whose years of experience in the trenches translates into a satisfying massage-table encounter.
Post-Massage Relationship With Therapist: After your massage, you’ll undoubtedly fall in love with your therapist. Don’t worry! This is a normal reaction for punters, especially those from cold-weather places like Canada, Sweden and Latvia. What you do about your newfound tender feelings is an entirely different matter. Although most customers throw caution to the wind and immediately ask for their therapists’ hand in marriage, it is best to proceed with caution in the relationship and give it a whirl before offering up a ring because you hadn’t previously had another human being touch you in that way for the past, oh, three or four decades. Why not start out with flowers, special soapy massages and then light to moderate pegging for the first few weeks of your courtship before buying her a villa in Phuket and pledging your eternal love. It is at this point she will take out a life insurance policy on you to lock in some security in the relationship, but there is absolutely nothing in this scenario that should alarm you.
Here’s the breakdown for the cost of a Happy Ending in Bangkok:
- Regular Happy Ending – 500 Baht for massage, 1,000 Baht for happy ending. (US$39)
- Full-Scale Blowout – 500 Baht for massage, 3,500 Baht for nipple clamps on you, ball-sucking, anal dilation + prostate exam, BBBJ with or without teeth, facial straddling, golden showers and reverse cowgirl. (US$104)
- COST IN USA: 6 MONTHS IN A STATE PENITENTIARY
I can already hear you saying to yourself, “Whoa, this is definitely for me. Where can I sign up?”
The best thing about Happy Endings in Bangkok is you just have to come and get them. That’s it! Land at the airport, go straight to massage parlor for happy ending. The question is, do you really even want to be happy? Are you willing to take a break from the pressures of your life and work in your home country and take a chance on Bangkok?
If the answer is ‘Yes!”, then everything you need to know can be found right here!
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