NEW DELHI – Prime Minister Narendra Modi of India announced on Tueday his intention to achieve international pariah status for the country within the next decade, saying the goal could “easily be reached” through a combination of economic malfeasance, gross political ineptitude related to transnational murder-for-hire plots and the embrace of grinding poverty as the country’s overarching spiritual tenet.
Modi, speaking at a countrywide meeting of Hindu high priests gathered for a forced weekend conversion of about 23.4 million apostates, Muslim heretics and Bharatiya Janata Party dissenters, said India was on course to become a Hindu theocracy fully run by leaders from the Kshatriyas warrior caste within a broader Vedic overlordship helmed by Modi himself.
With such a construct would come worldwide condemnation, quickly followed by U.N.-mandated global pariah status, but also a flowering of reverence among his flock that would lead to his spiritual reincarnation as a Hindu rock star, Modi said, thus assuring him his rightful place in the Bhagavad Gita for eternity and possibly longer depending on how many Muslim villages on the outskirts of Delhi he burned down.
“Although our international standing would drop a smidgen, the surrendering of my ego consciousness through the mass slaughter of our Sikh brethren up north would totally ensure the everlasting spirit realm of Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh and the saffronization of the entire subcontinent,” Modi added.
“Also, instead of wooing the significant Christian population we have in our southern states to become a steady coalition member of the government, why not just kill them all instead of worrying about whether they could someday leverage their historically dominant caste lineage and throw a Jesus-like pall over our country,” Modi told the mass gathering of Holy Men.
“Together, there is so much we can achieve,” Modi said. “But torn apart and with most of our ethnic minorities brutally cast aside if not outright murdered so that the spirit of Shiva can shine, Truth Alone will triumph and India shall be untouchable forevermore.”
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