BANGKOK – Thailand recorded its first instance of a Sexpat Drowning In His Sleep on Tuesday when 48-year-old Simon Pritchett succumbed to what the Thai Royal Police are calling a case of asphyxiation by labial disgorgement.
Pritchett’s 23-year-old girlfriend, Thanapoon Tristaklipustarmontahmbhun, a notorious squirter Pritchett plucked straight out of Nana Plaza’s Spritzers’ Cove shortly after he arrived in Thailand from his home in Giddlywook North of Essex Turnpike, England, is well known in Thailand’s Sexpat Circles for her almost inhuman ability to gush copious amounts of effluent from her tight Thai vag onto paying customers’ faces or somewhere into their own bodily crevices if the money is right.
The police have summoned her for questioning in the case, even though she has already proclaimed her innocence, saying she could not have “purposely” drowned Pritchett in his sleep because the last she knew of it, Pritchett himself had built an embankment of saffron-colored silk pillows around his body while she was in mid-squat in order to “catch” every sweet drop of the frothy release shooting out from her cooch.
“And so here we go not me, not him, just happen!” Thanapoon told Breaking In Asia. “Yah, sure! And then when I wake up there is swimming pool next to me so sad! And man in it yes this is Simon my new boyfriend except now dead!”
Thanapoon, who goes by the nickname Poon even though it does not necessarily mean what everyone thinks it does in the Thai language although it may as well do, faces a potential charge of third-degree sensual assault and assault by a deadly weapon in the case. In the meantime, she has been hired by the Thai Ministry of Hydropower to provide badly needed energy to the neighborhood of Wat Chanourikrap in Bangkok’s western slums “for as long as she can keep the flow going,” according to Hydropower Minister Ritthirong Majplataasantichaigurangskarotumlaaihbah.
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