The accoutrements of U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s haut diplomatie in Taipei could not have been more striking: the insouciant purple billowing about Taiwan’s rights as a nation-state, the radiant blue exhortations on supporting evolving Asian democracies, and finally, of course, the smarmy pink platitudes of power politics.
It was a giddy melange of a little bit Max Mara here, a little bit Donna Lewis there and enough Beijing-Taipei This-’n-That to wrap it all up in an excruciatingly bungholed little geopolitical bow that the entire world couldn’t possibly avert its eyes from.
What was the message? On the couture side, Pelosi has said many times that “Clean should be the first criteria.” In this, her pink pantsuit carried the day. The lines were spectacular, the effect brazen. But on the diplomacy side, downward dirty doggie is the only pose in town when it comes to cross-strait face-offs, and Pelosi pointedly smeared poodle poo in the face of Beijing by pledging American solidarity with Taiwan forever against the Northern Commie Menace.
What was the real message? NANCY PELOSI IS NOT HERE TO PLAY TIDDLY WINKS, BITCHES! Plus my pink pantsuit rules!
It was the loudest F-U to China since Formosa ROC declared itself the sole ruler of the Middle Kingdom when it officially set up shop on the island after fleeing the motherland with its pants on fire during the great Kuomintang retreat. And even better than Beijing’s predictable overreaction – “YOU MAKE HULK SO ANGRY!” – was the American political establishment’s and mainstream chump media’s insistence that Pelosi’s visit would surely, this time for real, push us all so far past the point of status quo ante that none of us will ever see tomorrow.
In response, Nancy Pelosi has two words for you: Ha, and Ha. She has been around long enough to see China’s leadership for what it is – a passive-aggressive motherlode of hurt feelings and unrequited hegemony. Like the eternal Chinese water lily, it blooms, it wilts, it blooms and it wilts again. In between these peaks and valleys, it drinks. A lot. And tries to keep itself together knowing Taiwan will someday, surely, be hers again.
Keep dreaming, China. And when your visions for National Glory turn into Pink Pantsuits, remember that Nancy Pelosi tried to warn you.
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