The Worldwide Association for People With Moronic Anomalies announced today that it would recommend its 780 million-plus membership not take the breakthrough Anti-Stupid Vaccine jointly developed by the World Health Organization and U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention after it expressed fears that taking the vaccine could lead to unwanted conditions like intelligence, getting an actual job outside the condo timeshare industry and not swallowing wholesale everything they hear on Fox News.
The W.H.O. said earlier this month that it expected the vaccine would be ready for distribution in February, “just in time to stop humanity from sliding off a cliff,” in its words, but the People With Moronic Anomalies group responded to that announcement by saying it believed the world couldn’t actually slide off a cliff since it was flat and resting on the back of a giant Alien Mothership that was taking us all to the Planet Mahfistupyoass, where we would face our final judgment from a bevy of international celebrity judges and religious authorities including the Trumpen Lama, Oompa-Loompas from the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory movie, and the old guy from Squid Game.
“We must by necessity move with utmost prudence and reject this so-called scientific advance in the hopes that our children, and our children’s children, and also our children’s children’s children, and then also their many other children from the various and monumental God-seeds that have been planted unwittingly but lovingly and by heaven’s great grace among us, that they may continue to take root on this most fertile of Earths, which we know to be not round or circular in any way,” said the head of the Moronic Anomalies People, Jerry Gernt.
Gernt added that he believed all viruses on the Mother Earthship were planted by the Baby Jesus at the beginning of Time in about 1905 and were intended to help humankind reach an understanding of God’s Unlimited Love + Power (GULP) even if they ultimately kill everyone.
“So you see, we all can better stand witness to GULP through contracting and aborbing these beneficent viruses rather than combatting them and building a viable anti-viral paradigm” he said.
“What more beautiful way to give thanks to our Creator than dropping dead from that which was meant to kill us?”