GENEVA – The Sunni Islamist militant group Hamas said Friday that the disarmament deal it made this week with U.S. negotiators would include the creation of a joint commission with Israel to probe each side’s use of sexually charged battlefield tactics including rape, anal rape, oral rape and some cases of incest in the aftermath of Hamas’s attack on southern Israel in late 2023.
The announcement came as U.S. President Donald Trump touted the disarmament deal, even though no official agreement on it had been announced. Trump also signalled that he would lend full support to the Rape Commission and act in an unofficial capacity as its champion, given his “decades of experience” in the sex-assault space and close association with industry insiders.
Schlomo Finkelstein, a spokesman for the Israeli military, said that although no rape “winner” could be declared by the commission given the political unpalatability of such a proclamation, he was certain that Israel surely ranked among the top two or three military rapist nations in the world if judged on a per-capita basis, although he acknowledged that Hamas would undoubtedly win the award based on sheer numbers alone.
But he also singled out for special praise the Israeli Army’s Oral Rape Division, which he said had performed above and beyond its ordinary koach and gevurah on the battlefield through its deft use of batonal infringement in defense of Mother Zion while simultaneously upholding Talmudic tradition by only targeting sacrificial orifices.
A Hamas spokesman, Abu Jamilah Marwan, said although the terror group had accepted that the Israeli side had perhaps been more heroic on the battlefield during the conflict with its many instances of animalistic brutality, his own side had shown that it, too, had an enormous capacity for forcibly submitting its enemies by maxxing its sexual sadism disorder – something he said Hamas could not have been accomplished without a lifetime’s worth of lessons learned through the constant sexual harassment and torture of the terror group’s wife, Fatima Applebottom.
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