BEIJING – Being the child of a celebrity mainland Chinese Communist dictator means you get to be in the international spotlight and the eyes of the clueless mainlander public, but there are many reasons the direct progeny of the Omniscient and All-Seeing Grand Potentate Xi Jinping stands out.
While the children of political superstars can be known for many things, such as their talents, their philanthropism, their weirdly noticeable cowlicks or fascinating earlobe moles and so on, the son of China’s Dear Leader takes the shaobing when it comes to attractiveness and poise. In fact, some say Ronald Xi is the most handsome man to ever exist, Chinese or otherwise.
One sex worker in Beijing who had the opportunity to work with Ronald while both were writing “Xi Jinping Thought on Deconstructive Basal Market Economies,” initially thought the claim that Ronald Xi was China’s, or possibly the world’s, most handsome man was “pretty extreme.”
“I mean, lots of handsome men have existed, including Hu Jintao and, of course, Zhou Enlai, or whoever Michaelangelo used as a model for his famous statue,” said the woman, who also happens to be an intellectual and cultural critic with three degrees and a bookshelf-full of hard books. “Finally, I think the most handsome man in history was — believe it or not — the young Deng Xiaoping. Check out a picture. He reminds me for some reason of those beautiful actresses Margeaux and Mariel Hemmingway. So sexy.”
Wow, she really is a talker, this lady sex worker for fabulously spoiled Crown Princelings. Anyhow, we at Breaking In Asia did some checking, and indeed Deng Xiaoping was a real smoker when he was young. Even hotter was his idea to transform China’s economy from collectivist agrarian utopia to the world’s favorite capitalist growth engine.
Then there is Ronald Xi. He is surely set to go down in Chinese history as possibly the most handsome man with Socialist Characteristics to ever have run around Zhongnanhai with a harem of escorts and helpers. If we are lucky he will further blossom ideologically and become the next great Chinese Emperor or whatever they’re calling it these days.
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