DENPASAR – Bogan Aussie tourist Dayruck Burgess said Friday that he and his mates from the backwater Queensland town of Hughenden had struck gold with the sheilas on the Indonesian resort island of Bali after one of them accidentally got laid by rocking up to the drive-thru window of a polly waffle he thought was a Maccas while he was absolutely cunted – a result Burgess attributed to the freshly engraved tattoo he had just received.
“Oy immedjyoitelly tells me moits, Moits! Here’s how we do it, roight? It’s as seempul as getting y’uhz lower scalp shaved and then roight above them ears some and ask for a troibal tat, eh? Dezzn’t cost hardly nuthin and the cheeks love it,” Dayruck told Breaking In Asia.
Dayruck, who is on holiday in Bali with his moits Allambee, Dingeaux, Cooper and Dural, said he also told all his bogan Aussie friends back home, who in turn told their bogan Aussie friends, about the treasures that could be had on the Island of the Gods if they just booked a floight to Denpasar for A$299.95, piece a piss wair-evuh.
Although it was not immediately known how many thousands, or tens of thousands, of bogan Aussies would be turning up to Bali now that news has gotten out about Dayruck’s hookup with a local, 18-year-old unemployed woman who is extremely attracted to undercut scalp tattoos on Australian men who work minimum wage jobs back home as kanga-wranglers, government authorities on Bali were preparing for an influx by offering discount deals at hostels specially designated for bogan Aussies and sleeping 12 to 14 to a room, usually in a single oval-shaped plywood bed just like they do back home.
Dayruck said that despite getting laid the one time, his adventures would continue, except with a banana clip attached to the man-bun he had just discovered practically every other bogan Aussie on Bali had as the centerpiece of their heads, even some of his female cohort, who would normally be swaggering down Legian Road in corn-rowed locks and slut-stained “I’M BIG-TOIM OZZIE EH!” branded T-shirts.
Dayruck also said that his hookup with a Bali local didn’t necessarily preclude his continuing to sleep with dozens of other random sheilas he meets through Bogan Aussie Tinder, the Mutated Mullet Surf Club in Seminyak and at the 7-Eleven just down the corner from his co-living/loving facility, which he shares with 57 of his best rippers from Gold Coast.
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