LOS ANGELES – The producers of the hit American TV sensation Cobra Kai announced on Monday that they would address criticisms of a lack of ethnically Asian bullies on the show by introducing a Chinese hegemon with socialist characteristics known as Winston “Four Fists” Wu starting in Season 5.
The Karate Kid reboot currently has just a single bullying Asian character, Kyler Park, believed to be the descendant of notorious South Korean Third Republic military strongman Park Chung-hee, who ushered South Korea into the developed world through a combination of rapid industrialization, unhinged authoritarianism and mandatory 12-hour workdays before he was assassinated Squid Game-style in a Gangnam-style slaying that to this day nobody in South Korean has any real recollection of.
Although Hollywood pundits have reported that Kyler Park’s back story could become part of Cobra Kai’s larger narrative during Season 5, Cobra Kai insiders who spoke with Breaking in Asia said they were super looking to add another Asian cast member who could bring more bang for the buck than the mal-tropic stereotypical South Korean-American bully with obviously high SAT scores, a Harvard fixation and misplaced yet beguilingly superficial blaccent.
“We feel we may have underbaked our whole bully game on the series by only casting a Korean as the singular Asian villain when the whole of the continent has given us a wonderful diaspora of colorful dictatorial-descendant characters to choose from,” said Cobra Kai’s showrunner, Jon Hurwitz.
“In this vein, we feel like our best choice is to pivot away from the nominally threatening Korean-American bully we already feature to a hardcore mainland Chinese bully – one with real aspirations to kick the living shit out of not only the Cobra Kai and Daniel LaRusso karate stables, but the entire misfit-genderweird teen vs. misunderstood bully genre.”
“And it is through the character Winston Wu that we hope to finally lay to rest the notion that misanthropic adventurism can only be given rise by a specific ethnically European archetype when in actuality it has the potential to exist in all of us, and we especially look forward to exploring Winston Wu’s Chinese-style nationalistic chauvinism and how that applies to his interpersonal teen relationships, even though he originally hails from Menlo Park.”