HANOI – U.S. President Donald Trump and North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un took in a screening of the classic American war film “Apocalypse Now” in Hanoi on the eve of their historic summit, regaling each other with stories from their own legendary military histories and then re-enacting their favorite scenes from the movie, to the delight of other guests.
“I’ll tell you something, folks,” Trump said to reporters Wednesday morning in recalling the night’s festivities. “Jongie — well, I call him Jongie; he said he likes it when I call him that so I’ll probably just keep calling him that until I hear different — Jongie is possibly the greatest Hollywood scene-stealer I’ve ever come across,” Trump said.
“So we watch the film, you know, and — Apocalypse Now, I mean — and Jongie goes, ‘Mr. Donald’ — that’s what he calls me — ‘Mr. Donald, you were in Vietnam. Did you encounter any characters like Lieutenant Colonel William Kilgore?’”
“And of course, he didn’t know it but I actually served with Colonel Kilgore in ‘Nam back in the day and I was there with him — where was it again, Da Nang? Trying to secure a river passage? We’ll say Da Nang, anyway, ‘cuz I’m not sure where we were. It was all crazy that day with the river scene, the bone spurs, the surfing the ‘me so horny’ … all of it!”
“And he’s so nutso — then he goes, ‘Mr. Donald, is it safe to surf this beach?’”
“And I see what he’s doing now, I really do: He wants to play out some scenes from the movie, so I play along and say, ‘If I say it’s safe to surf this beach, it’s safe to surf this beach!’”
“And then Jongie comes back with, ‘What do you know about surfing, Major? You’re from goddamn New Jersey!’” And then Jongie bursts out laughing like it’s the greatest thing in the world until I tell him that those are actually both Colonel Kilgore lines, so what he just said wouldn’t make sense …”
“So we’re going at each other a little bit — you can tell he’s upset a little because he messed up the dialogue. And then he looks up at me with those big puppy eyes and says, ‘OK, let me do Colonel Kilgore again on my own, OK Mr. Donald?’”
“And what am I gonna do, right? I mean, he’s the Supreme Leader, so I go, ‘All right, Jongie, let’s see it …’”
“So Jongie stands up, crooks his elbow over his knee — you know what’s coming, right? — looks around like he’s Kilgore surveying the beach, inhales deeply and goes ‘You smell that?'”
“And I play along and go, ‘What?’”
“And Jongie does it, he goes: ‘Napalm, son — nothing else in the world smells like that … I love the smell of napalm in the morning …’”
“Brought the house down — perfect,” Trump said of Kim’s re-creation of the classic Kilgore line. “And then I go, ‘Jongie — that was a little too close to home, huh?’”
“And you could see him tear up a little,” Trump continued. “Because obviously maybe he did napalm a few North Korean villages or possibly nuked them during testing, but c’mon … he’s a good kid at heart so I won’t hold him to it.”
The two leaders then exchanged documents, with Kim promising to nominate Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize and Trump, in turn, saying he would use his extensive Hollywood connections to nominate Kim for an Academy Award for his star turn as Lieutenant Colonel William Kilgore.
Kim signed the document as his North Korean team watched, then turned to Trump and declared solemnly:
“Some day this war’s gonna end.”
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