GENEVA – The World Health Organization has released its popular annual Global Death List, with the novel coronavirus failing to win a place among the top 20 things that are most likely to kill you by the end of the year despite a fervent George Soros/Hillary Clinton/Facebook-financed international media campaign to propel it to No. 1 on the charts. The WHO placed Covid-19 in 23rd place, but added that the virus’s unyielding march through Asia could see it sneak into the top 20 by the end of the year if international media outlets could just nudge up their daily tote boards a bit more through a combination of wild misrepresentations of comparative statistics, lax editorial standards and clickbait cabalism.
The WHO’s top 20:
- Liver explosions
- Cancers not including the liver
- Yoga
- Heroin injected straight into neck
- Toyota 4×4 rollovers
- Listening to Elizabeth Warren vs. Pete Buttigieg debate
- Taken out by Bolsonaro hit squad
- Trump/Nazi/White thing fatigue
- Electric vehicle sticker shock
- Deep data diving
- Fintech overkill
- Overexcitement during Shark Week
- Villagers in Southern Taiwan run over by cement trucks
- Heart blowout during heated argument with self
- Exaggerated diversity malfeasance
- Bitcoin farming accidents
- Ordinary flu
- Hysterical overreaction to coronavirus
- Toilet paper hoarding
- Lizzo overexposure
…23. Coronavirus
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