NEW YORK – Jesus Wept. But not as much as New York Times staffers who picked the South Korean cinematic marvel Parasite as their favorite movie of all time in a recent New York Times poll done in conjunction with the Asian Society of Post-Liberal Aestheticism.
Several of the New York Times culture and arts editors involved in the voting were seen sobbing, ululating and gnashing their teeth in overbaked emotion as Executive Editor Joe Kahn made the announcement that the overwhelmingly favorite culture of practically everyone at The Times – Korea – had once again proven itself tableau cinematique nonpareil, beating out other lame cultures with exceptionally weak cinematic histories like Canada, the United States of America and Bangladesh.
Parasite easily topped other Korean wonders like Memories of Murder (No. 99), which no one had ever heard about it until the list came out, and Oldboy (No. 43), which was the top Korean film choice for many Times editors who have been rotting in their chairs since starting their jobs at the tiresomely urbane daily broadsheet after getting bachelor’s degrees in socialism from SUNY-White Castle in the 1970s. Ninety-seven non-Korean movies also made the list but nobody at the New York Times involved in the voting said they really cared about them, even a little, compared with their Korean darlings.
The Times staffers, who claimed to be a group of “more than 500 filmmakers, stars and influential film fans” in a vote of their 10 best movies released since Jan. 1, 2000, actually were just themselves in the voting but pretended to be such luminaries as Oscar-winning directors like Pedro Almodóvar, Sofia Coppola, Barry Jenkins and Guillermo del Toro, as well as acclaimed actors like Chiwetel Ejiofor and Mikey Madison, John Turturro and Julianne Moore.
They also couldn’t really remember any films made before Jan. 1, 2000, due to their hazy grasps of the not-so-long ago and even reality itself, and so agreed that a truncated list would work best in fooling the New York Times’ readership into believing that many, many more lists of greatest movies of all time, broken out into 25-year-parcels, may be in the offing
One New York Times editor who participated in the “voting,” Culture Editor Craymeon Newfoundblatt, said everyone knew Parasite would be picked as No. 1 but that it was “not exactly a fait accompli” because there were a few old-timey holdouts who would rather have gone to their graves touting Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane as the greatest movie ever because everyone had heard so, so much about it, even though none of them had ever actually watched it.
READ MORE NEW YORK TIMES DECLARES IT’S ‘SO OVER’ NEWS CRUSH ON K-POP
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