FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA – Former U.S. President Donald Trump on Wednesday challenged a ruling in his favor by a Florida judge to appoint a “Special Master” to review whether Trump illegally kept classified U.S. government documents at his Mar-a-Lago estate, saying what he really wanted was someone like a Grand Wizard or White Privilege Potentate to do his bidding instead, “like what happened in that new whatchamacallit – House of the Dragon, right?”
“I seen that show with Baron and while we’re watching I says to Melania, here we go, right bae?” Trump said to a small press-and-booze gathering in the driveway of his Palm Beach residence. “This is the guy I need to sort it all out, and by ‘all’ I literally mean All, like not just in whatever documents they’re talking about but the other things, and I think we all know here what’s really going on even if some of you might still not get it, but I certainly do and I think most Americans surely or certainly know something about it.”
Trump was apparently referring to Mellos, the Grand Maester who acts as counsel to King Viserys I Targaryan on the Game of Thrones spinoff and who suggested early in the series that among other things, leeches be applied to a festering wound on Viserys’s back to speed the healing process, even though the wound was quite clearly a malignant thing that threatened the very fiber of his being and perhaps the whole of Westeros.
“Now, this Mellos guy – smart guy, right?” Trump told the gathering. “He, in my eyes, is like my [Steve] Bannon, and in many ways Bannon was my Grand Maester – is that how you say it? Maester, right, as in Shyster, and by this I mean the good kind of Shyster and probably pretty above special if we’re talking about the difference between a Special Master and a Grand Maester.
“And I go, I say to Melania, right here honey is where we want it. We want it with the Grand Maester and not at all so much with the Special Master that this judge had in mind – who, the judge, by the way, I know him, and I think he, or she, or they, are actually very tremendous and very tremendous for the country. But I mean, c’mon, am I right folks? A Special Master isn’t quite going to do it for me no matter which way they rule but I guess we’ll let it play out and see how maybe something that’s not so nice right now could end up being something very very successful.”
Trump continued to insist that he had declassified any documents he had taken with him from the White House to Mar-a-Lago and so any potential charges he faces in relation to the case could not possibly stand up to scrutiny because he no longer had “any lawyers or even attorneys who could defend myself and this great country against what I view are quite clearly litigiously legal issues that not even a rigged person like Hillary [Clinton] could defend herself in a court against, especially in the U.S. Supreme Court, which has already decided the abortion issue, and of course there are many parallels between that whole case and this ‘confidential documents’ deal that I think have already been settled as a matter of law.”
Trump added that would also like to see a Signore Superior High Poobah of The Realm appointed by a Florida judge to rule on whether he should appointed U.S. president by special edict and not have to go through the “long, drawn-out and entirely discredited democratic process of voting wherein the loser concept of universal suffrage is on full display.”
“It’s a long road to 2024, though, folks. Lotta things between now and then and so this whole issue that’s happening now with what seems to be a national disgrace – and, by the way, 96 percent of people agree with me – this whole thing will be decided then by the Grand Maester.
“That will be the new law of our great land, so stay tuned.”
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