Cathay Pacific pilot Jerome Labaspierre on Monday took his Olympian-level anxiety to some next-level shit, ejecting from his captain’s seat as his Airbus 997 was minutes from landing at Tokyo’s Narita International Airport with a full load of passengers desperately trying to make it to the Japanese capital to watch the final of the Olympic men’s 10,000 meter steeplechase.
Labaspierre successfully landed his 54,240-foot leap with a double-pike triple twist, setting a personal best in distance, degree of difficulty and unrequited angst, saying after the jump that he was just glad to be alive and was dedicating the new world record to his wife, Belinda, who had long ago run off with a person he had considered his best pilot buddy but had lately gotten under his skin by constantly saying the buddy, Steven Kleinshmidt, could “Stick The Landing,” while he himself could barely withstand the pressure of some otherwise friendly competition.
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Labaspierre also said that although he had nothing left to prove here, his total bailout and subsequent deaths of the 420 passengers and crew on board the flight was evidence enough of his obvious professional commitment because things could have ended much, much worse, given the fact that he did not fly his jet straight into an Emirates Airlines jet that was “basically” in his same flight path and posed a global aeronautics challenge the likes of which Cathay Pacific had not really prepared him for.
A Cathay Pacific spokesperson said that although there had been concerns about Labaspierre’s mental health before the Tokyo flight, it wasn’t like he was involved in something as heavy as competing in the actual Olympic Summer Games, considering that most Olympic athletes are arguably individually responsible for the well-being and the upholding of life expectations of entire countries, with the obvious exception of the USA and Norway, both of which really shouldn’t give a fuck at this point.