CHINA-OCCUPIED HONG KONG – After a week that saw them pull out catapults, chainmail armor and bows and flaming arrows to defend themselves against the brutalities of the police, Hong Kong anti-government protesters have vowed to take their ground game to the next level, promising to unhitch The Gimp from his BDSM-style metal restraining device in a disused cellar of The Pawn Restaurant in Wanchai in their new strategy to monster-fuck the local constabulary into submission if not outright surrender.
The protesters said the unleashing of The Gimp – believed to be convicted Murdering English Malignancy Rurik Jutting – adds a potent weapon to their urban combat arsenal that could see them turn the tide of the protests from tepid close-quarter bitch-slapping to all-out boner-warping bestiality.
Protest leader Joshua Wong said The Gimp would be deployed on the front lines of the demonstrations but would be commandeered by a special handler trained in the dark art of homoerotic asphyxiation to lessen casualties among police, especially those seeking out self-reamings due to uncontrollable sadomashocistic cravings.
“After multiple viewings of Pulp Fiction, it became apparent to us that unleashing our own version of The Gimp on police would at least demonstrate our commitment and firm desire to show the people of Hong Kong who support us but who are also dedicated cult-film enthusiasts that the two genres can, in fact, be melded into a kind of revolutionary noir anti-hero trope, but one in which the good guys still win,” Wong said.
“We would also really just love to fuck the police to kingdom come, if only metaphorically,” he added. “Plus it sure as hell looks like we’re never going to get ahold of any guns, so this could be our Hail Mary.”
Wong said the protesters were anticipating they would be getting additional help from an array of both Hollywood villains and superheroes in their fight to make democracy a thing in Hong Kong, but were really hoping more than anything that George Washington Chow would emerge from the other side of Hong Kong Harbour to lead their side to glorious victory over the dark forces of commie rot.
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